I grew up in a semi-conservative non-denominational Chinese church. There are those in my church that still believe strictly in a 6000 year old earth and vehemently deny the possibility that man could even remotely be descended from apes. In my own search for Truth (with a capital T), I've come upon many cross-roads where I've had to stop and reevaluate my beliefs. Perhaps the most significant of events was shortly following the death of a beloved and well-respected woman in my church.
Aunty Marilyn, as she was affectionately called, orchestrated sunday school classes, directed the children's choir, and was like a second mother to all the kids my age. Thus, it came as a shock when, after a couple relapses, she succumbed to leukemia at 40 years of age. At the time, it seemed to me that the prayers of thousands went unanswered. How could a god that claimed to be perfectly good and all-powerful let such a terrible thing happen to such a good person? Indeed, as I began surveying the world through more skeptical eyes, I wondered how the god I thought I knew could allow such Suffering in the world he supposedly created. In their books theologians place blame on fallen angels, original sin, and mankind itself; however, I found these arguments difficult to accept. The God I thought I knew could vanquish evil with the flick of a finger. Thus, it seemed logical that if there was a God, either he was not all-powerful or he was not perfectly good.
In my search for Truth, I don't think I have found a logical solution to this problem of evil, this so-called "paradox of omnipotence", but what I have found are people who somewhat ironically turn to "God" when they have no one else to turn to; people who hold on to "God" when they have nothing else left to hold on to; and people who look at suffering not as a reason to blame God, but as an opportunity to express their belief in God through service to humanity. After sifting through the fanatics and extremists, I find that I have great respect for those rational people that either consciously or unconsciously address the paradox of omnipotence with a paradox of faith.
Having traversed the bridge between theism, agnosticism, and atheism a number of times, I find that I am able to appreciate the beliefs of those individuals that define their spirituality by belief in a deity, but also those that replace their spirituality with reason, logic, and science. That said, I do find it difficult to accept patients that use their faith to escape reason. Nonetheless, I like to hope that my background may be a means with which to bridge these gaps.
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